Faulkner style
Tainara Candido
AP English
The Rebirth of Jane
Holding her nose as familiar hands plunged her head underwater, Jane’s family speculated upon her particular choice of path in life. A devout Christian whose mornings,noons, and nights were spent kneeling upon the cold hard ground of her bedroom reciting prayers and asking for a blessing from God in her life, Jane was considered a parent’s great blessing. Most teenagers of her period worried themselves with their primping and their manner of dress but Jane took time apart for the Lord. Never would Jane dream of going out to the movies unattended with a member of the opposite sex, or in fact even going in the first place. Jane was a well-respected young woman and now there was finally proof of her devotion to God, proof of her hard spent moments of Christianity, she was gaining favor in the eyes of the Lord, for what else is there to gain? Truly, all Jane needed was the favor of the Lord, for why would she need anything else?
Jane’s heart had begun to beat at a faster pace, threatening to burst out of her chest and onto the ground as Jane expressed doubts in her mind of the actions she was taking. As the cold, wet hands of her Pastor and Deacon touched her head and shoulders in an effort to hold her body underneath the water and raise her back up, Jane shuddered as a feeling of helplessness came upon her, nagging at her mind to stop whatever she was doing. She pushed the throughts far into the back of her head and forced herself to concentrate upon the task at hand; her baptism. This is it! Finally, I’m getting baptized, Jane’s thoughts conveyed a message of longing and happiness for her supposed dream was being realized, but her feelings and body betrayed Jane. She suddenly felt an emptiness that reached the depths of her soul and nullified her spirit, and Jane could not fathom why she was being submerged in water at that moment. That defining moment in Jane’s life when her mind and heart connected as she released herself from their hold and sprinted towards the sand. Upon falling to her knees, Jane did not pray for the forgiveness of God and felt no guilt towards her actions, on the contrary Jane felt relieved. Her family, friends and church members rushed to her but the scream of no emitted from her lips so fiercely and harshly, everyone stopped in their tracks and stared. Jane’s pressure caused her escape from the hands of God and subsequent breakdown. She felt empty precisely at the moment God’s spirit was supposed to have entered her.
Months later, after her strange behavior, initial breakdown and then hospitalization, members of the Church congregation whispered to themselves that the devil had overtaken Jane’s body and she found herself unable to resist. Her family members racked their brains for any sign of trouble they might have percieved or any moment where anything went wrong. They didn’t realize at the moment Jane was dunked into the water, the emptiness that arose in the pits of her stomach rivaled the love Jane had felt for Jesus Christ and through a brief struggle for control, that feeling of emptiness had won. For the feeling had been so strong, Jane couldn’t tolerate it and escaped to feel better. However, in the months that had followed, Jane felt guilt claw its way into her body and stopped tending to it. Jane felt guilt at her actions and guilt for no longer loving God, her life had lost meaning the moment she lost God. Guilt had been the only thing on Jane’s mind and as it consumed her, Jane stopped eating and sleeping. Her parents had as a last resort hospitalized their daughter and on the first day, Jane threw herself out of her window, hitting the pavement and died upon impact.
They had always trusted their daughter, yet at her suicide took it upon themselves to investigate its cause. They scoured Jane’s room as explorers who had first scoured the ocean, not knowing what to look for but hoping to find any sign of land. No one knew the reason for her suicide and as was common, placed the blame on themselves. The mark of Jane’s suicide had been imbedded into the hearts of her family and imprinted in their minds, a lasting tattoo that served as a reminder of Jane. Underneath Jane’s bed her diary was located precisely beside her Bible and with its finding, came the discovery of a sinister nature. Jane had not only begun to feel helpless against her religion, but had taken to questioning her orientation and a God who loathed her for what Jane thought she could have been. Upon the burning of the diary and amidst the crackling of the fire soaring towards the heavens, Jane’s secret was cremated and hidden by her family members, who did not wish to become the subject of a scandal and forced themselves to forget about Jane’s secret, as if it had been carried to her grave.
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